i wish i could... turn back time somehow. i was fine earlier this year. i thought i was making a fine progress with my life, and then now i find myself thrown back. it's hard to discuss it. i just wish i could stop thinking about it all. like, i wish that there is a switch that i could turn off whenever i start thinking about things.
winter is coming, and the nights are getting longer... and colder. i really wish i have a good lamp. because then i could read better. who would have thought that a lamp could change your life? i love my studio right now, it's warm and cozy. but i feel that there isnt enough light... and not having enough light freaks me out... all the shadows and darkness are starting to get to me. i suppose i am one of those people whose moods compliments their surrounding. and with winter coming and with my lack-of-light, i am feeling a bit blue. so right now, i find myself constantly thinking about....getting a lamp. because usually, nights like this, i just love to lie down somewhere cozy and read a book. i have MANY novels to actually read now as I bought some when i was in london but i just dont have the...light for it. is this something totally trivial?
so, because i dont have the light to read... i end up online. or doing nothing. i want to get out of this...rut.
it doesnt help that i have nothing to look forward to this month. wait, i guess i cant wait to change class. i REALLY hope new people will come in this december's class. because my classes now are killing me... with 3 people and one teacher... it just doesnt work. i dont have homework to keep me preoccupied as well. instead i have all these shit problems i have to think about.
i guess it comes with being independent. i am still learning, but i am actually struggling as well. maybe i am just not used to not talking a lot. or not having the company. i miss my mom. seriously. late nights like this, i end up missing her. i miss our LOOOONNNGGG talks. i miss how we always talk aand i miss my late night phone conversations with Him as well. i just want to TALK. but now i find myself having to choose what kind of conversations i should be having with some people. like with this people, i shouldnt talk about this. with that person, i shouldnt touch that topic... i miss having like this one person i can talk ANYTHING about and not get judged. or analysed. or... anything. it's just friendly chat, banter or talk or whatever you may call it you know?
a friend brought up something recently, and it struck me hard as well... i miss beaches. i miss the heat and i miss tanning. i suppose i should be thankful as now i have the chance to experience the opposite. mountains and coldness i suppose? but i am such a beach and sunny girl at heart... its hard to be sunny and all shiny when you are constantly under a gray cloud and wrapped in a cold weather.
i want... my lamp. :s i need to fucking read something!!!
winter is coming, and the nights are getting longer... and colder. i really wish i have a good lamp. because then i could read better. who would have thought that a lamp could change your life? i love my studio right now, it's warm and cozy. but i feel that there isnt enough light... and not having enough light freaks me out... all the shadows and darkness are starting to get to me. i suppose i am one of those people whose moods compliments their surrounding. and with winter coming and with my lack-of-light, i am feeling a bit blue. so right now, i find myself constantly thinking about....getting a lamp. because usually, nights like this, i just love to lie down somewhere cozy and read a book. i have MANY novels to actually read now as I bought some when i was in london but i just dont have the...light for it. is this something totally trivial?
so, because i dont have the light to read... i end up online. or doing nothing. i want to get out of this...rut.
it doesnt help that i have nothing to look forward to this month. wait, i guess i cant wait to change class. i REALLY hope new people will come in this december's class. because my classes now are killing me... with 3 people and one teacher... it just doesnt work. i dont have homework to keep me preoccupied as well. instead i have all these shit problems i have to think about.
i guess it comes with being independent. i am still learning, but i am actually struggling as well. maybe i am just not used to not talking a lot. or not having the company. i miss my mom. seriously. late nights like this, i end up missing her. i miss our LOOOONNNGGG talks. i miss how we always talk aand i miss my late night phone conversations with Him as well. i just want to TALK. but now i find myself having to choose what kind of conversations i should be having with some people. like with this people, i shouldnt talk about this. with that person, i shouldnt touch that topic... i miss having like this one person i can talk ANYTHING about and not get judged. or analysed. or... anything. it's just friendly chat, banter or talk or whatever you may call it you know?
a friend brought up something recently, and it struck me hard as well... i miss beaches. i miss the heat and i miss tanning. i suppose i should be thankful as now i have the chance to experience the opposite. mountains and coldness i suppose? but i am such a beach and sunny girl at heart... its hard to be sunny and all shiny when you are constantly under a gray cloud and wrapped in a cold weather.
i want... my lamp. :s i need to fucking read something!!!
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