<3i finally applied for my health insurance thing. yes mom, i did and it was well worth it cause the doctors here are... charging ridiculous amount of money just taking a look at your tummy and your thing down there. sigh. i know why i finally did it though. because i hate receiving hospital bills. i just realised this now. i hate them almost as much as i hate going there. it kills me. the horror. the numbers. having to GO THERE AND PAY THE GODDAMN BILL IS EVEN MORE OF A KILLER.
yes i am slightly pissed off. but only because i was stupid enough to let this happen. if i had only......(slaps self) no time for regrets.
what else? life has been pretty much low key for me. i have so so many hours of being alone that i am starting to think like a hermit. but it isnt really that bad, being alone, it forces you to really think about stuff. and have conversations with yourself, and getting deep into ur inner soul...........right.
it has been interesting though. the morning walks to school while listening to music. my favourite songs and how they can really make a difference as to how your day go. or even if it doesnt, its nice to have a song that can complement how you feel. lately i have been listening to HIM, Bullet for my Valentine and The Cure. Weird combination but it works all the same. i especially love listening to Wings of a Butterfly by HIM. this song does wonder but still it cant compare to Tears don't fall by BFMV.
which goes without saying that because i have more time alone now, i began to listen to music again and it's nice, i have been meaning to listen to some songs and now i get to hear them, as angry as they seem to be.
hmmm my eating habits changed drastically though. i eat...to survive now. it's weird. i am developing a problem i think. hahahaha... no really though, i do eat. but i have a different pattern and habit of eating now. it's kind of ridiculous to explain here. it's like putting yourself in front of a shooting squad.
this weekend... i have no plan. like specific ones. i have several work lined up, one of them is a topic that i am supposed to discuss in class which is about Sarkozy and his reforms and whether or not he is an Illusionist. this kind of sucks for me cause i dont know much on this topic... i also have to translate a document... and the list goes on.
i miss my family. very much. i miss my brother arif. i really really miss him and it is to the point of............ argh. i just want to see familiar faces, its kind of scary to suddenly not see the faces you are used to seeing anymore. i used to be able to detach myself from such things. i dont know what it is, i suppose i have turned a bit more sentimental about these things. which is disgusting and i should stop now.
eeeeeeeeeeeeee.
oh oh. and what else is on the calendar? me living 2 decades of life. 20. oh how i dread. it isnt really the fact that i hate the idea of getting old, though technically yes, i do hate this. its also the fact that it will be the first birthday where i dont spend it with anyone remotely special. family-, friends- and special person- wise. last year it was at JP with the band, and amal and H. last last year it was at Pantai Resto with Q and Z and a surprise gift and appearance from someone. basically, yes, i am spoiled with these things... it's like Valentine's day. where i always get flowers from my mother, i had this feeling too but then again, i had a really awesome one so i wont complain about that. now... it's like, going to be very... i dont know. i suppose i am training myself to not think so much into it. it's just a...birthday. nyeh... i cant even be bothered making up a wishlist and hinting everyone with it cause i am not with "everyone" right now. HAHA. okay so i am whining a bit...but i am allowed right?
...
i suppose there are other more tragic things happening in the world so i will rest it there at that point. other than that, i am just...living.
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