ive been wondering whether or not it is possible to be two person in your own person. i sometimes surprise myself. the fact that i can be so emotionless. how i can turn my emotions off and turn into a monster. i dont know how to explain it. it's like, there is this side of me that is... i dont know.
my last post, quite emo wasnt it? but if you really know me, you wont be surprised at all. funny how most people think they know me, based on their assumptions and what they heard from people... how can they really know me when sometimes, i dont even really know myself? i learn new things about myself every single day and things change in me every single day too. it's part of growing up and i am enjoying myself so much.
have you ever wondered if there is more to life than what is offered to you at the moment... like you have the best thing, wait, you think you have the best thing right now yet you wonder whether or not there is more. what if you stay at where you are, and never venture out and all the while you are missing something even greater? or are you lucky? you venture out and you got trapped... trapped in an endless circle that never seems to end?
like you thought youve changed somehow. but you havent. why is that? you cant explain it, only because... you are ashamed to even admit it to yourself. does anyone here understand? the fact that you are just helpless about that something and though most people say, that it is in your control, it actually isnt. how can you convince other that when you truly believe that... it really is not in your control.
do you understand?
i dont either.
what i do know is, i am setting myself up for an even bigger misadventure. i cant explain why either. i want to. but is there anyone that one can truly trust? is there anyone that wont judge me for what i am about to confide and just listen? understand and not pass judgment. is that possible?
i want to be understood but at the same time, i know very well that no one would.
and no, i didnt talk about france. your moiselle here feels a bit... off. and she cant even explain why. the series of events which she has been through since coming her made her this way. heartless somehow.
my last post, quite emo wasnt it? but if you really know me, you wont be surprised at all. funny how most people think they know me, based on their assumptions and what they heard from people... how can they really know me when sometimes, i dont even really know myself? i learn new things about myself every single day and things change in me every single day too. it's part of growing up and i am enjoying myself so much.
have you ever wondered if there is more to life than what is offered to you at the moment... like you have the best thing, wait, you think you have the best thing right now yet you wonder whether or not there is more. what if you stay at where you are, and never venture out and all the while you are missing something even greater? or are you lucky? you venture out and you got trapped... trapped in an endless circle that never seems to end?
like you thought youve changed somehow. but you havent. why is that? you cant explain it, only because... you are ashamed to even admit it to yourself. does anyone here understand? the fact that you are just helpless about that something and though most people say, that it is in your control, it actually isnt. how can you convince other that when you truly believe that... it really is not in your control.
do you understand?
i dont either.
what i do know is, i am setting myself up for an even bigger misadventure. i cant explain why either. i want to. but is there anyone that one can truly trust? is there anyone that wont judge me for what i am about to confide and just listen? understand and not pass judgment. is that possible?
i want to be understood but at the same time, i know very well that no one would.
and no, i didnt talk about france. your moiselle here feels a bit... off. and she cant even explain why. the series of events which she has been through since coming her made her this way. heartless somehow.
1 comment:
i love you. whatever might happens, deep inside, i'll always love you. and i know i'm not across your room anymore but if you need someone or whatever, you can always, email me. always.
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