i find it so hard to communicate my feelings to people. expressions and so forth. as much as possible, i avoid these things. is it sad that only very very few people have access on what is on my mind? i dont know about that but well, it doesnt really matter...
it has officially been 6 months since i left brunei. since month that i am here. it was tough at first, the transition period for me was really, really tough. but after getting over it i finally realised the true essence of being here which was to live. to just...live. i love studying here in france and although it has its disadvantages, like not being able to see the bruneian best friends as much as i would like to... it's a nice country to live in. geographically ideal too, to visit europe at least.
i asked myself if i have changed and i think i have. this particular change though, isnt exactly a straight line. at first the line went falling down, like really down but now it is going up gradually.
i can honestly say i am happy here. i have the space and privacy that i long for. that i have been longing for. the need to breathe. the freedom to decide for myself and my own life while still staying true to my roots. the soil that i need to branch out these roots... ahhh you know how it is when you are abroad. you try to experience as many things as possible. you make do many decisions everyday and 99% of these decisions are normally not decisions you would make for yourself. like... what is for dinner? what is there to buy for groceries... it's really...cool.
but if there is something that is still there...it would be this inability to express myself. this constant need to supress what i feel inside me. this thing where i just completely shut myself, even to myself.
i will stop there.
enough said.
it has officially been 6 months since i left brunei. since month that i am here. it was tough at first, the transition period for me was really, really tough. but after getting over it i finally realised the true essence of being here which was to live. to just...live. i love studying here in france and although it has its disadvantages, like not being able to see the bruneian best friends as much as i would like to... it's a nice country to live in. geographically ideal too, to visit europe at least.
i asked myself if i have changed and i think i have. this particular change though, isnt exactly a straight line. at first the line went falling down, like really down but now it is going up gradually.
i can honestly say i am happy here. i have the space and privacy that i long for. that i have been longing for. the need to breathe. the freedom to decide for myself and my own life while still staying true to my roots. the soil that i need to branch out these roots... ahhh you know how it is when you are abroad. you try to experience as many things as possible. you make do many decisions everyday and 99% of these decisions are normally not decisions you would make for yourself. like... what is for dinner? what is there to buy for groceries... it's really...cool.
but if there is something that is still there...it would be this inability to express myself. this constant need to supress what i feel inside me. this thing where i just completely shut myself, even to myself.
i will stop there.
enough said.
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