this was at Bern, Switzerland. :) i want to go here again. um, please? anyone interested?i try not to entertain sentiments. i always say i dont um, feel things. it's like a wall that i put around me. and i am sick of this wall. i want to break free. being in the confines of these walls, it gave me limited access to a sense of... freedom. i want to start taking risks again. i want to be worried. i want to actually...care. i dont think i can ever be that person who does something really against what she believes in and what she wants to do and not feel anything again. because i used to be able to do that. do something totally shocking and just not feel...anything.
and i used to pride myself with that. it's almost like an ability of some sort. to be able to just... feel nothing. but i cant. it's like you are dead and unfeeling. and in love, it's like you dont really feel anything. in life, it's like you are not really living it. doesnt that contradict everything about...life? unfeeling but at the same time 'living' yet how can you live when you dont...feel. right?
i am writing this after the erasmus party i went to.. i dont know what time it is. but yeah, the party was great. we met a lot of interesting people. you know, the kind of people you laugh about after, when you are with your friends. it's good though, that they do these things cause this is how you meet people. not necessarily people you want to date or go out with but simply meeting people. of course in a sense it is sad cause for some people, meeting others is a necessity...it's like a proof that you exist cause others can see you and you can see them. do you think that is what they meant by being so...'alive' when they meet other people?? anyway, it is also good for speaking french. relearning everything again and trying to get that confidence, the same or at least nearly the same level to speak french like how i speak english or malay.
oh i dont have classes on friday. i made sure that my schedule is freeeeeeeeee. which is good cause this works long-term. how is everyone anyway? for those who actually reads this, leave something on the chatbox and tell me how you guys are. really, i'd appreciate it. :)
and i used to pride myself with that. it's almost like an ability of some sort. to be able to just... feel nothing. but i cant. it's like you are dead and unfeeling. and in love, it's like you dont really feel anything. in life, it's like you are not really living it. doesnt that contradict everything about...life? unfeeling but at the same time 'living' yet how can you live when you dont...feel. right?
i am writing this after the erasmus party i went to.. i dont know what time it is. but yeah, the party was great. we met a lot of interesting people. you know, the kind of people you laugh about after, when you are with your friends. it's good though, that they do these things cause this is how you meet people. not necessarily people you want to date or go out with but simply meeting people. of course in a sense it is sad cause for some people, meeting others is a necessity...it's like a proof that you exist cause others can see you and you can see them. do you think that is what they meant by being so...'alive' when they meet other people?? anyway, it is also good for speaking french. relearning everything again and trying to get that confidence, the same or at least nearly the same level to speak french like how i speak english or malay.
oh i dont have classes on friday. i made sure that my schedule is freeeeeeeeee. which is good cause this works long-term. how is everyone anyway? for those who actually reads this, leave something on the chatbox and tell me how you guys are. really, i'd appreciate it. :)
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